Rockstar's Garbage Apology is Garbage

Image: Game News 24

On November 11, Rockstar Games re-released three classic Grand Theft Auto Games; Grand Theft Auto III, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City and Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. The trilogy was released under the name Grand Theft Auto: The Trilogy - The Definitive Edition. These were to be upscale ports of the PS2 games with quality of life improvements, launching on all platforms. Well, that "Definitive Edition" was a big fat lie. Whether you bought the Definitive Edition on the PS4, PS5, PC or Switch, each version with rife with bugs and glitches. Yes, the PS2 originals had their issues but not like the myriad of problems in this remastered trilogy. 

Like any triple A game publisher that effs up big times, Rockstar issued an apology. You can read all about that noise here but basically, the apology is worth used toilet paper. There is no way Rockstar did not know that this trilogy was going out the door in such a pitiful state. That "apology" is littered with such eye rolling BS. I'd much prefer they issue a statement that read something like this.

We are stupidly rich. How rich? We can crap out three awful GTA ports that don't do the original justice and you fools that are none the wiser will be all over it like flies on stank. Welp, I'm out. These Cuban cigars ain't gonna smoke themselves.

Rude, yes, but that would be honest. 

While talking to some buddies of mine in a group chat, one of them posted the patch notes for the Switch version of the GTA Trilogy. She followed up the posted link with a SpongeBob gif. 

At first, I thought she was just having fun, but that gif perfectly summed up those patch notes. Taking every version of the release into account, the patch notes are quite extensive.

Anyone that bought the trilogy on PC will get the classic versions of these games that Rockstar delisted for free. That is, if you bought the trilogy from the Rockstar Store. And you can only play the games through their launcher. So I guess PS4/5, Xbox One/Series X and Switch owners that bought the trilogy are just stuck with these inferior versions that, as of this writing, still aren't up to snuff? 

Hey, Rockstar, a bunch of your fans are hold up a single finger to you on each hand. Can you guess which fingers they are?

Word from Digital Foundry is that the Switch version of the GTA Trilogy is the worst. But when the other versions are also trash, that is of little comfort.