Monday, September 10, 2012
Top 5 Worst Ways to Die in Super Mario Games
The Super Mario Series has been entertaining gamers for more than twenty seven years. That also means that it's been killing players with countless deaths for just as long. As good as we are at these games, dying is inevitable. I still die whenever I play through Super Mario Bros. 3, Super Mario World or Super Mario 64. I may know these games inside and out but that doesn't stop me from losing a ton of lives. But of all the ways to die in the Super Mario games, which ones truly stand out? I can't speak for everybody, but these are, in my opinion, the five worst way you can lose a life in the Super Mario games.
I don't know what it's like to have your butt burned off by lava, but I imagine the pain to be unbearable. Mario can't step into a castle without lava being all over the place. It's instant death if Mario falls into lava in 2D games, even with a Starman. Things are a bit different in 3D Marios where you can usually steer Mario back to solid ground if you're close enough to it. But even getting a taste of that lava has got to suck for Mario. I mean, just having your hands or legs melted off by that stuff... *Shudder*
Mario could die via electrocution before the Super Mario Galaxy games, but it wasn't until his Wii outings that his deaths became cringe worthy. Rather than simply fall down and die, Mario's skin is fried right off his body, leaving nothing but a pile of bones. I suppose it could be seen a classic cartoon death played up for comedy purposes, but it just comes off as being creepy to me.
03. Black Hole
There weren't bottomless pits in the Super Mario Galaxy titles, but there was something much, much worse: black holes. These things first appeared in a mini game in Mario Party 6 but they were var more prominent in the Galaxy games. Now in order to understand why dying from a black hole is so horrific, you need to know just what a black hole is and what it does. A black hole is a region in spacetime that has a force of gravity that is so strong it prevents anything from escaping, including light. That means that anything that gets sucked into a black hole is never going to come out. Ever. And since light can't survive in a black hole, it's constantly dark in there. Since the gravitational pull is so strong, you probably won't survive very long in there anyway. No light means you can't even see just how you die. But maybe it's better that you just feel yourself being killed as opposed to seeing it.
We were quite spoiled by water stages and worlds in 2D Mario games but we didn't realize it. In 2D, Mario can remain underwater for an infinite amount of time. When we jumped into the water in Super Mario 64, we were quite surprised to find out Mario had an oxygen meter that would gradually deplete the longer he remained underwater. When Mario runs out of oxygen, he grabs his throat and goes into the dead man's float when he dies. Even on the N64, Mario's death animation of the dead man's float was highly disturbing. In any 3D Mario game, seeing Mario drown is on the same level as seeing Sonic drown in any of his games. If the above image isn't scary enough, check out this short clip here. Enjoy your nightmare fuel!
This is it. The number one worst way to die in a Super Mario game is from a Goomba. "Wait, what? Reg, you can't be serious." Hear me out. Goombas are the lowest form of mooks in the Mario world. If we were to measure their value in terms of chess pieces, they'd be the pawns. Goombas are generally the very first enemy you encounter in a Super Mario game. In fact, these are the very first foes you see in Super Mario Bros., the game that kicked off the whole series. In 2D games they advance toward you at the pace of a turtle, giving you all the time in the world to dispatch of them. In 3D Mario games they've gained some speed, but you still have ample time to take them out. A mere head stomp is all it takes to be rid of these flunkies. Goombas might be iconic Mario enemies, but they are also lower than garbage. So when you die to a Goomba, it's downright embarrassing. How many times have you seen someone play the first Super Mario Bros. that hasn't played in ages and they die to a Goomba? What are your thoughts when you see that happen? "Wow, really? You died to THAT?!" If that same death occurred in front of a group of people, the whole room would have laughed at them. Dying to a Goomba is like getting killed by a regular Slime from Dragon Quest, something that should never happen. It's a terrible way to go out because of how humiliating it is.