Kirby: Not So Innocent

If there exists a list of the cutest video game characters, I've no doubt that Kirby is somewhere near the top of the list. Heck, he may be at the top. Just look at him. The little guy probably doesn't even come up to your knee in terms of height, but he's so darn lovable. That face just screams screams "Hug me!" Most of the time, that is. You see, for all the family friendly values that Kirby's games and his very likeness gives off, Kirby himself can be quite the savage.

It didn't dawn on me until recently, but Kirby has a thing for killing his foes while they sleep. Granted, a few of them are in his way but most of the times, these guys can be easily avoided by flying over them. But Kirby just terminates them with the most extreme prejudice. Maybe they'll be killed by a sword swipe. Or perhaps Kirby will charge at them in the form of a fireball. Whatever the method, the end result is the same: these guys are going to die in their sleep.

This mook is about to die a horrible, horrible
death.

Lots of Kirby games are easy. Heck, his series from the ground up began as a series for entry level players. But in Kirby's Epic Yarn you cannot die. At all. The enemies? They are most definitely killable. I can't count the number of times Kirby came across a sleeping Yarn Waddle Dee. Things are just sleeping there, minding there own business. What does Kirby do? He uses his yarn whip to unravel them into nothing! Brrr! Sure, there are a lot of ways to die in a game, but man, that's just brutal!

In the very first level of Kirby's Return to Dream Land, Kirby gets to taste the power of the Super Abilities in the form of the Ultra Sword, a much more grand scale version of the Sword power. There's a group of enemies in Kirby's path, some of which are just sleeping. Kirby, being the cold blooded killer that he is, whips out his house sized blade and chops them down in a single strike. I guess he desperately needed those stars for more 1-ups.

In Japan, Kirby always appears on the box art of his games looking happy and jovial. It is widely believed that the execs at Nintendo of America must have thought a smiling Kirby wouldn't sell too well. So he was given angry eyes and a scowl for many of his games throughout the 2000s. This would become known as American Kirby is Hardcore. Or maybe NOA just has a better insight into Kirby's nature than we realize. When you go through the tutorial of Kirby Super Star, the instructor describes Kirby as "a jolly fellow," to which Kirby turns and gives an angry look.

For the love of humanity, just stay out
of his way!

Speaking of Kirby Super Star, in Revenge of Meta Knight, Meta Knight decides to take over Dream Land but not for cliche villain reason. For those not in the know, the citizens on Dream Land don't really do a dumb thing. They eat, the sleep and, yeah, that's pretty much it. Meta Knight Only wishes to make them lead more productive lives. Well Kirby isn't gonna have that. No, sir. He mounts a Warp Star and assaults the Halberd. I mean, really, when Kirby lands on that sucker, panic ensues. Kirby tears through all the mooks in his way, dismantles the Halberd section by section, fights Meta Knight and by the time he's done, the Halberd is sinking in the ocean. Wow.

I'm not saying Kirby is evil, because he most certainly isn't. All I'm saying is that he isn't as innocent looking as he appears. God help you if you steal a slice of his cake. I guess that since Kirby falls under a special kind of adorable, it should go without saying that he isn't to be trifled with. Keep that in mind if you're a bad guy and you think about taking a nap when Kirby is around.